Emotional Intelligence & Competence
December 10, 2010 § Leave a comment
|1. Label their feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.||“I feel impatient.” vs “This is ridiculous.”
“I feel hurt and bitter”. vs. “You are an insensitive
“I feel afraid.” vs. “You are driving like a idiot.”
|2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.||Thoughts: I feel like…& I feel as if…. & I feel that
Feelings: I feel: (feeling word)
|3. Take responsibility for their feelings.||“I feel jealous.” vs. “You are making me jealous.”|
|4. Use their feelings to help them make decisions.||“How will I feel if I do this?” “How will I feel if I
|5. Show respect for other people’s feelings.||They ask “How will you feel if I do this?” “How will
you feel if I don’t.”
|6. Feel energized, not angry.||They use what others call “anger” to help them feel energized
to take productive action.
|7. Validate other people’s feelings.||They show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people’s feelings.|
|8. Practice getting a positive value from their negative emotions.||They ask themselves: “How do I feel?” and “What would
help me feel better?”
They ask others “How do you feel?” and “What would help
|9. Don’t advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.||They realize it doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of such
behavior, so they avoid it.
|10. Avoid people who invalidate them, or don’t respect their feelings.||As much as possible, they choose to associate only with other people
with high EQ.